Archive for the 'Wife and Mother' Category

Kids… just let them be themselves…most of the time

Individuality.  The battle to preserve it is unending it seems in today’s world, but it is also of unlimited value. We need to have different ideas and unique happenings in the world, but that only happens if people are free to be themselves, if they have their individuality.

We live in a world where everyone wants to be admired and liked.  We live and we pursue rest and relaxation, not struggle and effort to work through our challenges and setbacks.   Struggle and effort, courage to express a different opinion, time to reflect upon your own thoughts to even find that opinion… who has time or energy for it?

We all need to fight those temptations, the temptation to go along with everyone else.  The temptation to let time slip away while we take that unnecessary blissful nap or watch just one more movie or play one more video game or computer game, (whatever your vice may be).  If we don’t learn to fight them, what will our children do?

We look at our children now, and we simply love them.  We as parents know that each one is different and special and beautiful and precious.  We love them just as they are.  That is the love of parents for their children.

Do we accept them as they are until the end?  Most parents probably do, but do our actions really tell our children that?

Children are living in an adult world.  They have to abide by the adult rules and ways of doing things.  Do we always make these rules with their nature and best interest in mind?  Don’t get me wrong, I definitely think parents need to be parents and make clear boundaries for children, but sometimes I think many adults these days expect way too much from children and children end up feeling like failures, like something is wrong with them.  Maybe sometimes there are medical issues and that is the case, but I think that it is usually the other way around.  When we let our kids feel that they don’t measure up to our adult standards, we are the  failures; there is something wrong with us.  

There are many subjects to which this can be applied, but one of my personal areas has been with my son’s sleep habits.

He is a very sensitive boy. He does not go sleep so easily, especially if I am around.  He goes down easier with his baby-sitter.  Many nights I do not get all the sleep I would have liked because he has kept me awake or kept waking himself up when he realizes he is alone.  He is a very sensitive boy, that is part of who he is.   Even though my life might be a little easier, a little more restful with him less sensitive, I don’t want him to be any other way.

This why I feel so strongly against the “cry it out” “method” of getting babies to sleep through the night.  It puts the parents’ “needs” over that of  the child’s needs.  Of course parents do need time to themselves and babies do need their sleep, but not at the expense of making babies feel abandoned.   Is it natural for a mother to stand by and listen to her child cry?  It isn’t like the crying they do when they want a specific toy or even when they fall down and get hurt.  They cry expecting their mother to come and get them.  It is  message telling the mother that they need them, and it is something that needs to be answered.  When that cry is not answered with understanding, babies and children, (who are very capable of feeling), feel abandoned, unworthy of our time and attention, and unimportant.

Another areas where this is especially applicable is in the area of behavioral expectations in public schools and the drugs that are used to produce this desired behavior.  Not to say that sometimes there are not medical problems, but when a society uses drugs (I am speaking specifically of Ritalin), as much as ours now does to see to it that children do well academically (get good grades)… something is wrong.

Children teach us how to enjoy life.  We need to let them live their childhood, not according to adult rules.  They do need rules, but perhaps we as the adults and the caregivers need to give more consideration to the nature of children before we harbor unrealistic expectations and try to enforce difficult rules.

We need to find ways to let them be themselves so that they can keep their individuality and bring greater richness to the world.  Of course they need to have boundaries and consistent limitations, but they also need to be accepted for who they are so that they have the fundamental confidence to have the courage and ingenuity to test those boundaries.  It is when we test our limits and test what is taken for granted that we really reach out and bring newness to the world around us.

There are many avenues to open up for individuality.  Listen to them and cook the foods they like.  Learn how to help them go to sleep peacefully, whether it be by reading, being sung to, being rocked or held, etc.  Learn about their own individual likes, hobbies they enjoy, their dreams, their hopes, their thoughts and secrets, even their pet peeves.

The decisions they will make in the future and how much trust they will have in us as parents depend on how we treat them today.  As the saying goes, “Our children are our future.”  Shouldn’t we invest in our future?

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Now that’s teamwork!

 

Bring on the Ale!

I don’t really get so excited about sports, but every now and then I am impressed by stories of team work or the integrity of the players.  This is one such story.

Many of the readers probably know the story better than myself.  However for those who do not know yet, I will try to explain what I have learned.

Josh Hamilton, who recently won the Most Valuable Player award in baseball (MVP award), has a remarkable history.  His career started in 1999, and after an accident, he became heavily involved with drugs and alcohol.  After many years of struggling through rehab and trying to get his game on, (pun intended), he made it back to the game and hit the drugs out of his whole ball park in 2007.  Since then his numbers have only gotten better and he stays far away from the drugs. All of his hard work and inner battles paid off and probably made his life that much more meaningful.

So when the team had their victory over the Tampa Bay Rays, instead of using the traditional champagne, they doused their sober teammate with ginger ale instead.

What a terrific way for the team to show that they really support him!  With each bottle of ginger ale they were saying, “We couldn’t have done this without you. Your struggles are our struggles.  We’re with you all the way.”

That’s real teamwork.  All for one and one for all.

That’s how it should be for all of us in life.

A husband and wife have to work as a team also. Right now, our game is called, “Take Me Out to Learn Hebrew.”

Being a new immigrant to Israel, I have to get up and learn Hebrew.  I have to get up at 5:00 in the morning (whether or not the little guy slept well or not), to get food and things prepared for myself and my son, not to mention all the other things to do when getting ready to get out the door in the morning.  If it wasn’t for my husband, there would be many mornings I would not be able to get out the door in time to catch my bus.

My hubby, my teammate, performs so well for our game.

He takes care of the baby if needed.  He helps prepare the food.  He changes the diaper and dresses our little guy.  He makes sure that I have what I need, including enough water to drink and food to eat.  He stays on top of things to make sure I stay on top my game.

I wish I could say the same thing about myself when it comes to helping him with his challenges outside the home.  I think he is more patient than me, and our son’s needs and my needs always take priority with him.

If you are a good teammate, you put the needs of another first.  Josh Hamilton will not let himself smell the alcohol.  His teammates wanted to celebrate with him, so they used ginger ale instead.  That’s real teamwork: taking care of each individual for the sake of the whole team.

Now that’s a sport I want to practice.

Hello world!

If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.

~Author Unknown

It may sound trite, but these words are true.  One needs to believe in oneself and to walk with confidence.  People take you more seriously when you take yourself seriously.

Many women today, including myself, do not see as much value in themselves as they should.  It is a great tragedy of our time.  I am not speaking of all the good we can do in the workplace but of that which we can do in the home, for the people in our lives that matter the most and for the people in our lives where we can and must make the most difference.  A woman’s place as the helper of her husband and the primary caregiver of children is her most valuable role.

I only mean to say that it is a role that should be truly honored and respected as much if not more than the other roles that women can fill, whether that be as doctors, nurses, engineers, scientists, etc.

There are many areas in a woman’s life, many decisions to be made, and every single one is important.  Even though the world won’t end with the next mistake we make, what if we were to try to come to each decision as if that were the case?  Isn’t our family our own private world, so-to-speak? Because of the love we have for our loved ones, that is the seriousness that we should have towards our positions as wives and mothers, overseers of our families.

Even with the many challenges that bring us close to our breaking point sometimes, understanding the effects of our decisions helps to motivate us to make the right decisions even when they are very  to apply to our lives.  Understanding the consequences of our decisions and the value in our own voice, we have more strength to make decisions that may not be the easiest, the cheapest, or the most convenient choice, but are nonetheless, the best choice for us and those we love.

These challenges are different for every woman, but the factors of taking care of yourself and/or a  happy family are the same for everyone.

So, I will try to write and express my challenges openly and share with you the solutions I have found to work for me, and maybe I can connect with some other women and we can help each other.  And maybe through helping each other, we all can restore some understanding to the world of the value of women as wives and mothers.  I am one voice, but we can be a great, valuable voice.


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